Interlude #5: It’s Never Good To Name Your Pet After Inappropriate Body Parts

  Yes, it's true, I once named a cat after an inappropriate body part.  No one could come up with a name and being the only female animal in the house I named her appropriately or so I thought.  One day at work my phone rang and a good friend of mine said she heard we had adopted a new kitten.  I told her yes and asked her if she wanted to see pictures of my Vagina.  The reply was quick, soft and to the point.  "I'm in the phone center, you're on speaker phone...and there are about 10 people in here."  I hid the rest of the day.  The cat was quickly renamed to Beijing in honor of the Olympics going on when we got her.

Interlude #4: If You Have A Moustache, Get A Dog!

    I was awakened each night to what felt like Muhammad Ali slapping me in the face. My eyes would open to find my new Kitten sitting on my chest staring at me. This happened for weeks, every night. I seem to be the only one in the house this kitten hated so much he felt the need to punch me around as I slept. I was laughed at and mocked for getting beat up by a tiny cute adorable little kitten. During the day, he seemed to love me but each night the lights went out, the gloves went off. Ding goes the bell, whack goes the paw, right in the nose.


    It wasn't until one afternoon, when I saw my tiny cute adorable little kitten playing with a toy, that I finally caught on. He was batting, punching and flinging a fuzzy little worm cat toy. I reached up to my hairy upper lip and the light of understanding shined down on me.


    Doing my Sally Field impersonation, "you love me, you really, really love me", I ran to the bathroom and snatched the clippers from the drawer.


    That night, with my closely cut upper lip hair, I grabbed the fuzzy little worm cat toy and placed it on the end of the bed. I shut off the light and smiled, looking forward to my first uninterrupted night of sleep in weeks. As the drunks were all going home, I was again startled awake by a left hook to the face. My eyes popped open, wide awake with confusion in my head. There on my chest sat the tiny cute adorable little kitten and there on my face sat the fuzzy little worm cat toy.

Interlude #03: You Named Your Cats After What???

     A long time ago, back in middle school, a friends family had two cats.  Their names were Trix and Coco Puffs.  I asked him one day who named them and he told me his Dad.  I replied "I take it your dad likes cereal a lot".  He replied, "no, hookers".

Interlude #02: Halloween Treats

A Friend of mine made this one year for a halloween party.  People are still talking about it to this day.  I'm actually thinking of making this to take into work.  What do you think?

Here's a great Idea for a Halloween treat to take to a party.  It's simple to make and very tasty.  The presentation alone will have you the talk of the town for weeks.  First, you get some finely chopped nuts,  just how much depends on the size of the presentation container you use and we'll get to that in a bit.  Dump the nuts into your presentation container to fill the bottom about 1/2 an inch.  Next get some tootsie rolls and unwrap them.  Place them in the nuts.  Bury some, roll some around, just lay some on top.  For the presentation container, use a small cat box, preferably new, and a pooper scooper, also preferably new and walla!  Kitty Surprise Treats!

Interlude #01: Score One for Originality

     I asked my Boss if I could go home early and she asked why.  So I told her my cat had gas, was constipated and I was afraid it might explode.  She let me go home on account of originality.