“That’s Not My Cat, Sir!”

To many non cat people, cats all look alike. I once owned two black cats. I knew who was who but many of my friends couldn't tell them apart. They would try to hide the fact they didn't know which one was crossing the room. They had a 50/50 chance of calling the right name. They were wrong 100%. "What does your instinct tell you?" I would ask them. They would reply and I would tell them to never trust their instinct. For me it's easy. One weighs about 2 pounds more than the other. One has fuzzier hair. One will stare at an open flame on a candle and burn all his whiskers off. How hard can it be?

On the other hand, I don't believe my landlord (not the ones I have now) could tell the difference between a cat and an elephant. This isn't about the two black cats, which would be understandable. This is about a unique cat I had about twenty years ago. Occasionally this cat, Felix, would escape from the house to enjoy a little freedom.

My landlord was a nice guy over all but insane. I was re-arranging the adjustable shelves on the wall we shared with his unit one day when there was a knock on the door. He wanted me to put them back the way they were. Apparently, I was not allowed to make any changes to the place without his permission. Good thing he didn't notice we painted the place.

All was quiet on the western front when one day I got a phone call. Felix, he says, is getting out and using his garden as a rather large cat box. I was a little confused since the cat had not escaped in weeks but I apologized anyway. For weeks this went on. Every other day I was getting a phone call or a knock on the door. It couldn't be my cat but he swears he saw Felix with his own eyes. He's seen my cat plenty of times with all the visits he made to "make sure everything was ok". I just couldn't figure out how my cat was escaping, let alone getting back IN to the house.

Finally the answer came one day. I heard my landlord hollering for me to come outside and get my cat. I ran to the door, swung it open and there was my landlord holding a cute white cat with black spots weighing about 10 pounds. He politely started chewing me out and telling me I had to either keep the cat indoors or find a new place to live. He just kept on going and wouldn't stop. I couldn't get a word in no matter how hard I tried. Finally, I put my hand up, looked him straight in the face and said, "That's not my cat, sir!". I told him to wait right where he was. I went and got my cat, all 38 pound of his fat tabby butt. "THIS is my cat" I said. He just put the stray cat he was holding down and walked away. He never complained about my cat again.

Yes, to many non cat people, all cats look alike. To the cat owner, we notice every little thing. From the way they walk to the way they look at you. Nothing gets by us…most of the time anyway.