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Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Yes Virginia, The Cat Can Lock You Out of the House (revised)


    Sometimes, something happens so bizarre, so out there, that you think no one would ever believe you. Such a thing happened to me in August 2009. In fact, the incident is what inspired me to pick up writing again after two decades. I hastily created a blog site and named it aptly "Stories From an Innocent Owner of Mad Cats". In my excitement of this new site, I wrote "Yes Virginia, The Cat Can Lock You Out of the House" and posted it on  Aug 10. I sped through the story in a rush to get it posted and it never got the treatment it deserved, so I have rewritten it and reposted it in hopes it gets the attention it deserved.
     From three months ago today, I give you the story that started it all...

Yes Virginia, The Cat Can lock You Out of the House!

    Everyday we go about our lives doing our daily rituals. Somewhere during those rituals we wind up doing something stupid. Usually we take the easy way out and blame it on ignorance. "No one told me", "who would of thought" and "officer, I had no idea the speed limit wasn't 110". Most of the time we secretly know better, we just thought for one small fragment of time, we could get away with it. Pets are the same way. I'm pretty sure every time I have had guest over, the cat knew what he was doing when he plopped down in front of everyone and started licking himself inappropriately. I'm also convinced the guest standing next to a child who exclaimed "wish I could do that" knew better also.

    One August morning I awoke from a rare good night's sleep. I got up, did my usual morning routine, checked the cat food, checked the water bowl and cleaned the Almond Roca out of the cat box. Being busy the last couple of days and not home a lot, the cats were feeling a little ignored so I played with them for a short bit giving them the attention they were so craving before heading down the stairs to make coffee.

    With coffee in hand I opened the sliding glass patio door about a foot and slid outside to enjoy some early morning summer sun. As I sat down in the white plastic chair and propped my feet up on the cheap patio table, I heard my neighbor say good morning to me from the other side of the fence. I asked how she was doing and we chit chatted for a few minutes before she went back in to her place. I reached into my pocket and pulled out my cell phone to see what time it was. I was running behind and was going to be late for work if I didn't hurry. As I stood up I heard the familiar sound of a seven pound cat jump onto the patio screen door. Turning around, I discovered my flame pt. Siamese, Fuego, plastered to the screen door about 6 feet up.

    As I reached out to open the screen door with the cat on it, I realized I had only opened the patio door about a foot. Fuego was on the screen right next to the edge of the patio door. His feet blocking me from opening the screen door, I sternly asked for him to get down. He stared blankly back. "Come on, get down", I said in my I'm not kidding anymore voice. He stared blankly back. "I'll give you a treat", emphasizes the word treat. He stared blankly back. Back and forth I went, alternating between telling him I was going to kick his fuzzy butt to I'll scratch your belly.

    Finally, he started to break and I could see him crane his head back and forth looking for that perfect spot to flop down at. He eyed a particular safe landing area and started to tense up ready for the leap of faith. "Good kitty!" I cheered, and with that, his brother Toby came running over and sat his big behind down right where Fuego was going to crash land. I looked back up to the seven pounds of fur still stuck to the screen, my eyes wide with horror. He stared blankly back.

    With cell phone in hand, I contemplated calling work to tell them I am going to be late but decide against it. I was quite sure telling them my cat locked me out of the house is the equivalent to telling your teacher the dog ate your homework. Eventually, Toby got bored and went to explore some other part of the house and Fuego was able to jump down. I felt lucky because I'm positive Fuego could have stayed up there for hours.

    I made it to work on time without having to utter the words "Officer, I had no idea the speed limit wasn't 110".

    After a long day at work, I came home to find everyone waiting for me at the front door like a pack of dogs. I ignored them all. I finished the day sitting on the couch watching some T.V., still a little miffed. Fuego came sneaking up from the side of the couch, jumped up and crawled into my lap. He looked up at me, smiled and started purring. I stared blankly back. He purred louder. "That was stupid" I tell him as I feel the corners of my mouth slowly inching up.

    I am sure he knew what he was doing when he jumped on the screen. I am also sure Toby knew what he was doing when he sat down in the only safe landing area for Fuego. There not stupid cats but for one small fragment of time, they knew they could get away with it.

To all of my followers, Thank you


  1. I would've been that guest who forgot the kid was around.

    Very funny stuff.

  2. thats why I love cats so much. like a cute little kid, they know they can get away with it.

  3. Call me crazy but... I really DO believe cats ARE that smart :D

    Thank you for "rewriting, reposting" and sharing that again! Loved it!

  4. Hunter, I'll cover the kids ears. Say away.

    John, true, the flash you that big ole smile and you forgive, just like that.

    Aion, sometimes TOO smart, I'm sure they are holding illegal poker games for the neighboorhood cats when I'm at work

  5. smart cats. they know how to keep you and us entertained.

  6. Hey Mike, congratulations on your anniversary! Love your stuff. We made dogs our companions, cats made us theirs.

  7. I'm a cat lover and just stumbled on your site as I'm exploring (I'm a brand new blogger). I know! Cats are different and they
    DO own you. But, wow! The love they inspire. Thanks

  8. Sarah, I think thats it. I'm there pawn in there twisted little game. :P

    Tina, thanks and too true!

    Adorabibble, it's pretty clear on who owns who LOL

    Boomer Diva, welcome to blogging and my Stories. I believe all animals are inspiring and we can learn quite a bit from them.

  9. Lol...that is just great...I will be looking at Cooper (my 9lb dog in cats clothes) a little differently from now on... thanks for my chuckle for the day :)

  10. Mike I remember this post, and it is just as good this time around, BIG HUGS dude

  11. that is a great story Mike and Yes if you would have called to say you were late because of that you would have never heard then end of laughing down every aisle in Home Depot

  12. Bendigo, yes, dogs are the same way. LOL Keep an eye on him

    Bob, you were the first person to comment on my blog. I was so ecstatic someone read it! Thank you.

    Anonymous, I think you gave away who you are :) and yes they would have

  13. Lol Mike.. Your cats are good to give you ideas for those wonderful stories. I feel that cats and daughters (sons can be included) are two species who get away with most of the things and know how to make you smile in a best way...

  14. I was visiting Tina over at the Clean White Page when I noticed your comment - truth be told it was your blog title that caught my eye, anything with cat in the title tends to do that. Anyway I thought I'd pop over, say hello and have a browse. Loved this post, you are obviously so inspired by your cats. Nice to meet you.

  15. Farila, that is very true

    Petty Witter, Glad you stopped by, I hope you enjoy reading as much as enjoyed writing these.

  16. Stories are great. Cats are great.
    Put them together in a story like this, and you've got yourself entertainment!
    I'm like that, sometimes I spend hours imagining the parties my cat throws for her friends while I'm out... There's far too much catnip, and they have rowdy games competitions on my Wii!


  17. OMG! I thought MY cats were the only ones that played my WII while I was gone! I swear they do.

  18. Still made me laugh the second time around. And thanks for the diet help with your "Almond Roca" comment ;)

  19. Just goes to show - cats *are* evil aliens. I knew it.

    Have you checked out Simon's Cat (

  20. Christina, Glad I could help with the diet. :) I love Almond Roca but I'm afraid I've never been able to eat them.

    Uber, they are evil aliens and I just checked out Simon's Cat. I watched the "Fly Guy" Video and I'm now hooked. That was the funniest thing I've seen in a long time!

  21. This is why I have a dog. Thank goodness I do not like Almond Roca otherwise this post would've changed my eating habits. :P

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